10 Days, 200 Cigarettes

Yesterday was particularly trying. 

I have a Samsung Galaxy SII Epic 4G Touch something or another (it's like a Japanese car name typed on a Chinese typewriter, seriously), and it's now restarting itself over... and over... and over... until it's rebooted itself to death. Literally, to death, as every time it reboots, the battery life is significantly diminished.

Last Saturday, I had some extra time before work, so I stopped by the Sprint store in Santa Monica to have it looked at. The technician took it apart and looked at the battery and said "yes, it's a swollen battery", as if I'm supposed to know what that means. I asked what that meant, and he told me that it's caused by overcharging the phone, and that I need a new battery. The last time I was told this, I was handed a handful of batteries and sent along my way. This time, he told me I had the privilege of paying $54.99+tax for a new battery. I told him I'd just buy one on Amazon and left.

So yesterday, the rebooting thing was so bad that I had to see what Sprint could do. I called, and the technician on the phone told me to hard reset my phone, which means losing all of the apps, settings, and basically everything else I hate to configure on my phone. So we do it, and TA-DA! it doesn't work. The phone is a piece of junk. This technician tells me I need a new phone, which is no big deal, because he can send me one. It'll take 3 business days. So I can have a new phone on... Tuesday? It's Wednesday. Oh, and there's another option: I can go to the Sprint store at 7213 Melrose Avenue, at the corner of Melrose and Formosa, which is about 2 miles from my apartment. I was supposed to work until 7, but if I left around 6:15, the bus would get me to the corner of LaBrea and Santa Monica Blvd at around 7:30. It was 5:30. He called the store and set it all up, told me that they were open until 8, and that the phone would be waiting for me.

I got on the bus.

Side note: there was a really cute guy on the bus sitting across the aisle for me. 

I got to Santa Monica and LaBrea at 7:15 and walked to the store pretty quickly. But what do you think happened when I got there? They'd never heard of me (a typical "Hollywood" response), no one had called, and they don't have replacement phones at that location. I quickly apologized to the guy who was working (as he was just a messenger) and then told him to go fuck himself and fuck Sprint and fuck this stupid fucking phone.

Then I walked the 2 miles home, because I didn't have money for another bus. UGH.

I got home, called Sprint again and shouted the whole story to the next technician, who half-heartedly apologized and expedited a phone, so I could get a new one on Friday. If you're out there, Emmanuel from Sprint, I'm sorry for shouting at you, I was just very frustrated.

However... I didn't smoke. I didn't even really think about it. It felt good. I've gotta go get ready for work, but let me share some numbers with you from the app that I had to re-download and re-enter all of my quit times, etc

Your heart rate and blood pressure have dropped: 100%

The CO level in your blood has dropped to normal: 100%

Your sense of taste and smell have improved: 100%

Nicotine has been removed from your body: 100%

Your dependence on nicotine has been eliminated: 66%

Withdrawal symptoms have subsided: 33% (as suspected, this will last a month. I'm 1/3 of the way there!)

Your circulation has substantially improved: 10%

Smoking related sinus congestion, fatigue, or shortness of breath have decreased: 3%

Your excess risk of coronary heart disease, heart attack, and stroke has dropped to less than half that of a smoker: 2%

Your risk of stroke has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Risk of death from lung cancer has declined by almost half: 0%

Your risk of smoking-induced tooth loss has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Your risk of coronary heart disease is now that of a person who has never smoked: 0%

Here's to you, Joe L(?)

In 2005, I tried to quit smoking for the very first time. Vanessa and I lived together on Adams Street, and I was constantly broke and out of smokes. We talked about strategies, Googled quit information, and never really came up with anything real except for 2 things: choose a date, and cold turkey works best. So I chose a date (it was probably a Monday, as I've already reviewed) and stopped. No smoking in the morning. No smoking through the rest of the work day, which was tough, because I was a mail carrier at that time, so my routine was really to power through a bunch of mail and take a smoke break every 45 minutes or so, plus, I could smoke while I was sorting through mail in my truck. So I got home early, probably around 5, and was really antsy. I needed to smoke. We had this awesome neighbor (and still friend), Joe, who was a really heavy smoker. I loved Joe. I explained the quitting situation, and he comforted me and I begged for a cigarette. Any old cigarette. He had Camel Wides, my favorite from high school. We smoked and smoked and it was wonderful. We talked about quitting strategies, and how you just have to "be ready to quit" and that cold turkey was the best way to do it. He had quit before for substantial periods of time, and told me one thing that always stuck with me:

DAY 8 SUCKS. 

Today was day 8. It was actually pretty good. Day 6 and day 7 really sucked. I had a lot of cravings and just had to refocus myself. Oh, and on day 6, JD and I took a cab to a party and it stunk of cheap cologne and Camel Lights, so that kind of curbed the cravings for that day.

Day 7 was only rough because I went to my usual Monday night karaoke at Gym Bar, where Michael and I usually stand outside smoking and drinking while we catch up on each others' weekends. 

But no, day 8 was a day like any other. I've noticed I've been having fewer cravings. I've also been coughing up more shit (weird that people ask me what color it is... I always respond with "navy blue.") I haven't been sleeping as much, about 5-6 hours a night... but I've felt more rested when I get up. It's a nice trade off. Soon enough, I'll be able to join a gym and not collapse after 10 minutes of spin class! Then I'll be POPULAR!

OK number time (it's like Sandra Lee cocktail time, but without the implied sorrow)

Your heart rate and blood pressure have dropped: 100%

The CO level in your blood has dropped to normal: 100%

Your sense of taste and smell have improved: 100%

Nicotine has been removed from your body: 100%

Your dependence on nicotine has been eliminated: 57% **ALMOST THERE!**

Withdrawal symptoms have subsided: 28% COME ON, DAMMIT!!

Your circulation has substantially improved: 8%

Smoking related sinus congestion, fatigue, or shortness of breath have decreased: 2%

Your excess risk of coronary heart disease, heart attack, and stroke has dropped to less than half that of a smoker: 2%

Your risk of stroke has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Risk of death from lung cancer has declined by almost half: 0%

Your risk of smoking-induced tooth loss has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Your risk of coronary heart disease is now that of a person who has never smoked: 0%

6 is the Bitch.

Every time that I've tried to quit smoking in the past, day 6 has always been terrible. It's been the day that I always have off (I usually quit smoking on Mondays, so day 6 has been a Saturday, so either a day off or a night out). It's also just been a day of temptation. So having quit on a Tuesday this time around, I feel like I'm not as obligated to go out or do anything that would involve smoking. I also walked by one of my old favorite smoking spots, the sidewalk in front of Fubar on Santa Monica Boulevard, and the smell creeping out of Fubar was SO FOUL that I don't think I'll ever be able to think of that piece of concrete the same way. It smelled like formaldehyde, bleach, and sewer gas. I seriously gagged. Not many smells make me gag.

So I spent today sleeping until noon and going to help a friend find apartments around Hollywood. I slept really, really well for the first time since I quit. The violent nicotine patch dreams are over, since I'm not using the patch anymore (I do keep one on me at all times just in case I feel like I'm going to break down and smoke), and I feel like I'm breathing more easily through my nose. I did spend most of yesterday with a runny nose, and I don't know whether it was some kind of 24 hour cold or whatever, but I took some DayQuil and it stopped. The coughing has really started in, but I'm glad, because I want that nasty shit out of me. 


In looking for apartments, we just kind of drove around and hung out, nothing special. I did actually see a part of Koreatown that wasn't totally disgusting and thought for a second that I may be able stomach living there someday.We had fast food lunch and I broke down and had a Coke, which is something that I tried to quit with smoking. I can tell you this: soda is a trigger. Some people love coffee and cigarettes, I love soda and smoking.

So... NUMBERS! I love the numbers.

Your heart rate and blood pressure have dropped: 100%

The CO level in your blood has dropped to normal: 100%

Your sense of taste and smell have improved: 100%

Nicotine has been removed from your body: 100%

Your dependence on nicotine has been eliminated: 40% (this one sure drags)

Withdrawal symptoms have subsided: 20% (So it takes a month to go through nicotine withdrawal? Heroin is faster. Lesson learned: Don't smoke, do heroin. It's easier to kick)

Your circulation has substantially improved: 6%

Smoking related sinus congestion, fatigue, or shortness of breath have decreased: 2%

Your excess risk of coronary heart disease, heart attack, and stroke has dropped to less than half that of a smoker: 1%

Your risk of stroke has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Risk of death from lung cancer has declined by almost half: 0%

Your risk of smoking-induced tooth loss has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Your risk of coronary heart disease is now that of a person who has never smoked: 0%

Thank you everyone for the encouragement! I feel really good about this, I just need to keep remembering the good feelings to get through the rough ones... and there have been PLENTY. Thanks again!

Fingers on Triggers

I'm not sick! I'm just breathing differently and have snot coming from every organ that held it!

So I've been trying to figure out what makes me smoke. What I've figured so far is: 

BOREDOM
WORK (SEE "BOREDOM")
HUNGER

Yes, I use cigarettes when I'm hungry... to keep myself from eating. I don't think I have an eating disorder or anything, but I think it's almost like grabbing something quick and easy and just snacking... which doesn't work for me. I can run to grab something quick and easy (most people think of a Clif Bar or something) and I get a large #2 with cheese and a Coke. 

So last night I went out and wasn't at all interested in spending most of my night standing outside smoking cigarettes, which is my usual Thursday night routine, so I guess that's a good thing. 

Oh, and work... grrr... I'm not thrilled with my job at this time, but let me tell you... lunch is a killer. I used to have a routine of 1 cigarette before eating, 2 cigarettes afterward. I felt that this averaged to 1 cigarette every 20 minutes during lunch, and considering I didn't smoke the other 8 that I am at work, that was doing pretty well. Let me tell you this: lunch is now BORING. I have no idea what to do with myself. Today, I ate my chicken fingers in the lunchroom with my co-workers while "There's Something About Mary" played on the TV. So clearly, the lunchroom is a place to avoid.

OK, let's do numbers and I'm going to head to some party thing for a friend of mine.

Your heart rate and blood pressure have dropped: 100%

The CO level in your blood has dropped to normal: 100%

Your sense of taste and smell have improved: 100%

Nicotine has been removed from your body: 100% (and it's been at 100% all day, so I'm assuming this means it's all gone! I still have been going cold turkey. Day 3 of cold turkey!)

Your dependence on nicotine has been eliminated: 26% (this one can't get finished quickly enough)

Withdrawal symptoms have subsided: 13% (c'mon, get through this one, too!)

Your circulation has substantially improved: 4%

Smoking related sinus congestion, fatigue, or shortness of breath have decreased: 1% (WE HAVE A NEW ONE!!! This is probably why I also keep thinking I'm sick)

Your excess risk of coronary heart disease, heart attack, and stroke has dropped to less than half that of a smoker: 1% (ANOTHER NEW ONE!)

Your risk of stroke has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Risk of death from lung cancer has declined by almost half: 0%

Your risk of smoking-induced tooth loss has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Your risk of coronary heart disease is now that of a person who has never smoked: 0%

Am I Sick? ACK! ACK! ACK!

I woke up this morning in a horrible sweat. I felt like I was burning hot and freezing cold at the same time. My body aches. Of course, there's the flu going around... and I've been around sick people all week, so it seems. So I'm trying to figure out whether I'm sick or not. I think I'm going to take some Airborne and go to work anyway. I could always go home if I'm really feeling unwell.

So I went to sleep around 3am and woke up around 9, which is pretty much exactly what I'd expected of my sleeping pattern on night 2. I don't feel tired, though. 

I just realized that I'm making this sound like I'm kicking heroin. Though they do say that it's harder to quit smoking than quit heroin...

Your heart rate and blood pressure have dropped: 100%

The CO level in your blood has dropped to normal: 100%

Your sense of taste and smell have improved: 100% (status bar still isn't completely full)

Nicotine has been removed from your body: 78% (so 39%, based on not really going without nicotine until the 2nd day)

Your dependence on nicotine has been eliminated: 16%

Withdrawal symptoms have subsided: 8% (I think this is actually going to slow down a lot by day 6, because that's where I always had problems before)

Your circulation has substantially improved: 2%

Smoking related sinus congestion, fatigue, or shortness of breath have decreased: 0%

Your excess risk of coronary heart disease, heart attack, and stroke has dropped to less than half that of a smoker: 0%

Your risk of stroke has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Risk of death from lung cancer has declined by almost half: 0%

Your risk of smoking-induced tooth loss has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Your risk of coronary heart disease is now that of a person who has never smoked: 0%

And now I'm going to get ready for work. It's raining in LA... hopefully I don't stab anyone with my umbrella at the bus stop.

Second Day

I want to start by thanking my friend Andy for suggesting I write this blog. It has been really helpful in keeping my mind off of smoking, and it's a good, creative outlet for writing. Thanks, Andy!

I'm really excited about this, so I'm going to start with the stats before I go to bed, then talk about my day.

Your heart rate and blood pressure have dropped: 100%

The CO level in your blood has dropped to normal: 100%

Your sense of taste and smell have improved: 100% (but the status bar isn't completely full, I am wondering if it's literally saying has improved by 100% and the remainder of the status is for when tastebuds and cilia start growing back... I guess I'll know in the morning)

Nicotine has been removed from your body: 66% (I'm cutting this in half, so I'm putting 33% in my mind, since I had the patch on during day 1)

Your dependence on nicotine has been eliminated: 14% 

Withdrawal symptoms have subsided: 7% (I cannot WAIT to get to 100% on this one... I was feeling like a REAL BITCH today)

Your circulation has substantially improved: 2%

Smoking related sinus congestion, fatigue, or shortness of breath have decreased: 0%

Your excess risk of coronary heart disease, heart attack, and stroke has dropped to less than half that of a smoker: 0%

Your risk of stroke has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Risk of death from lung cancer has declined by almost half: 0%

Your risk of smoking-induced tooth loss has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Your risk of coronary heart disease is now that of a person who has never smoked: 0%

So today, I ate a ton. But a ton of reasonably healthy food. I woke up, had some yogurt. Had a small romaine salad, lots of sliced apples and peanut butter on toast. Ate some baby carrots (a lot of baby carrots, actually.) Drank a couple of glasses of milk. JD came over and we had Thai food. 2 spring rolls, the usually Pad Sea Ewe with chicken and lots of spice. I ate 2 Skor bars for dessert. Drank a cup of tea (remember, I'm not doing Diet Coke, either). 

So I've eaten a TON.

The rest is TMI alert. Some of you may not want to hear about my bodily functions. Some of you already have in the past and don't care, and some of you may think it's kind of... you know...

And I've been farting nonstop. Which is gross, because they all stink. I'm not sure why this is, and I can assure you that this was happening before the spicy Thai food... but I also haven't had a normal bowel movement since yesterday. It's been lots of eating, farting, and rabbit pellets, even if I feel like I'm going to shit myself when I fart. I'm kind of grossed out with myself. But I think this is also because I quit the Diet Coke. Since Diet Coke was about the only thing I ever drank, I haven't replaced it with anything. I have to force water upon myself. So I guess that's another thing that I need to work on. 

Anyway, it was a tough day, but I made it. I'm sure tomorrow will be more of the same. I'm actually going back to work tomorrow, so let's see if I punch someone in the face or still have a job by 8pm.

An Introduction

(Just to warn you, I am probably going to use this to vent about not smoking, so there will probably be some harsh language. There will probably also be some sexual content. I won't make that too explicit, and no photos)

My name is Joe Racecar. I've been smoking since I was 12 years old. No kidding. I live in West Hollywood, California, but grew up in Springfield, Ohio, so smoking at 12 was either fine or just made me a little more badass. I would steal cigarettes from the ashtrays my father left around, or just steal them straight out of his packs. Then I realized the Speedway (gas station) up the street would just sell them to me, so I started buying my own. A pack of Newports was $1.75.

I was in love. Smoking was amazing. I looked cool doing it, it made me feel better when I was stressed out, and it annoyed my mother, all at the same time. 

The love affair started to wane eventually. I started smoking as a chore. It became a routine. Wake up, smoke a cigarette. Eat lunch, smoke a cigarette. Smoke another cigarette before you have to go back into work. Sit on the bathroom sink and smoke cigarettes endlessly while cruising Grindr/Scruff/playing solitaire. The worst smoking would come after an all night drinking  (and smoking) binge where I would walk to the bathroom and light up because that's just what I do.

At any rate, I'm 31 now. I've been smoking for more than half of my life. Almost two thirds. It sounds really trashy when I tell people that I started smoking at age 12. If I don't smoke, I don't have to tell people when I started! Also, I have spent a whole lot of money in these 19 years of smoking. That's (completely unscientifically, just a guess of about $5 a pack for 17 years) $31,025. Not to count the year that I was smoking du Mauriers at $9 a pack. 

So here I go. I'm going to keep everyone updated. I have nicotine patches, an Android app called "Cessation Nation" that is tracking everything for me, which is super fun. I put in the time and date which I quit, and it tells me how much money I save ($6.85 a pack, 1 pack a day) from not smoking and it tracks all of the health benefits, too, which I will update on here. 

So...

Your heart rate and blood pressure have dropped: 100%

The CO level in your blood has dropped to normal: 100%

Your sense of taste and smell have improved: 69%

Nicotine has been removed from your body: 46% (this one is confusing because I wore a patch yesterday... just took it off and need to replace it... but I'm kind of interested in seeing what kind of support I get from this app, because the next 2 are REALLY interesting.)

Your dependence on nicotine has been eliminated: 9% (This is one to watch. I kind of want to see where this goes by the end of the day, if I don't break down and put another patch on first)

Withdrawal symptoms have subsided: 4% (Another one to watch because I usually go batshit crazy around day 6, but maybe that's from still having nicotine in my system from the patch, but not actually completing the ritual of lighting up and physically smoking a cigarette?)

Your circulation has substantially improved: 1% (I'm excited for this one... I will go into that later)

Smoking related sinus congestion, fatigue, or shortness of breath have decreased: 0%

Your excess risk of coronary heart disease, heart attack, and stroke has dropped to less than half that of a smoker: 0%

Your risk of stroke has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0%

Risk of death from lung cancer has declined by almost half: 0%

Your risk of smoking-induced tooth loss has declined to that of a non-smoker: 0% (This is one that terrifies me, mostly because I have receding gums. From smoking. I have to make an appointment with my dentist to look into oral surgery to save tooth F13. That's the front, right incisor. Mine looks like a fang because my gums have pulled up so much. I need to have skin from the roof of my mouth grafted onto the gums around my front teeth to keep this tooth from falling straight out. No kidding. And my mouth hurts all the time. And it gets worse with smoking. Diet Coke hasn't helped, either, but... this is also day 2 of no Diet Coke.)

Your risk of coronary heart disease is now that of a person who has never smoked: 0%

So there it is. I'm going to try to keep everything simple and be as real as possible. I'm not a professional blogger, so I'm not really sure how this is all supposed to go down on the page, but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually. Feel free to leave words of encouragement or tell me to go fuck myself, if you're so inspired. 

-Joe